Dark and Dirty

I feel as though I am at an interesting cross-roads in my life.

In two days time my youngest child will be 4 years old.  Let's take that sentence apart a little bit.  "My youngest child."  That means I have another older child.  Quick head count....ok, I have two children....  Once upon a time I would have assured you that I would bear no children and in all fairness to myself I was thirty seven years old when I had my first.  Forty one years old when I had second (the one who will be 4 in two days time).  In two days my youngest child will be four - that means that he doesn't go to school for another year.  I love my children dearly and would not be without them but there was a time when I thought that having children would satisfy a creative urge inside of me that would supersede all other creative urges.  Thankfully I was wrong.

I'll spare you some of the details for now but will share that I am happier now than I have been for a long time, even though there are parts of me that are unfulfilled and unexplored.  With a favourable moon I am about to explore a part of me that I have not yet delved into....

Recently I sold some stuff (you know, the kind of stuff that you surround yourself with cos you need it) and with the proceeds I've been able to invest in some basic tools and materials and once I'm done with making cakes and wrapping presents and teaching belly dance and trying to sell a few more things to make ends meet I shall begin to explore a side of myself that even I am a little wary of.  I could well fail at what I want to achieve, but unless I try I'll never know will I?

Changes....

So.  If you subscribe to my blog, or if you just happen to wander by, then you'll notice that I have changed the look.  I'm liking it a lot.  It shows some of the digital art I've been playing with and is more me.

There are a great many projects all going on inside my head at the moment.

I'll try and make a list of things I want to do:

Write a new choreography - or at the very least find a piece of music that I love love love so that I am enthused to dance to it.  At the moment music is eluding me.....but I'll keep you posted......  I'll probably need a new costume too (hopefully - I've not made myself a new costume for some time.....)

Start an art journal - this is the most frightening thing on my list.  Why frightening?  Because I am rubbish at art.  Yeah I know......but I kind of feel that I am.....because I am feel constrained and stunted....I need to be able to let go sufficiently to feel freed up.  This is why I aim to start a journal.  I may or may not share it initially but I guess the purpose of the blog is to share so I guess I should be brave....  Today I was in Paperchase and they had loads of books on sale - I spent aaaages choosing one (in the end based on price) and I decided on a Home Journal book - it's got lined pages, squared pages, blank pages and clear pockets.  I definitely need to cover the front and the back and then I need to start to let my inner artist speak on regular basis.

Decorate some boxes - I have some cigar boxes to decorate.  I have one that's almost done and although i think it looks good I'm disappointed because it just looks like something I would expect myself to produce.  I need to push my personal envelope.

Start to try more new things.  Now, scarily this might mean opening up to new people and inviting them into my life.  Or it might not.  I'm not sure about this one.  I kind of think I can do all of the above without inviting new people in but I kind of think that maybe I should expand my circle.  Except I don't really go out. Hmmmm.....

I'l keep you posted.